she was so not down for the gang bang
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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