i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
