i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize