Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
