woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
