I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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