I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
