I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
