My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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