Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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