The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
