It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
