I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
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So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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