i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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