I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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