Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
