Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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