I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
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I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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