Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
