So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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