If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
handjob tips. give me some.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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