i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
whose parrot is this?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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