I'm passing your future prison.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
