and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
