he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
