she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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