Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
two words: eviction party
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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