im having a threesome with these popsicles
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
