I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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