It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
another moral hangover. fuck.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
