They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
