ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
