thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
