I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
