I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
