Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
