Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
