Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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