I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
