Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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