I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
