I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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