Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
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Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
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You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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