My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
