When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize