the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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