last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize