just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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