im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
