he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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