I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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