I smell stomach acid.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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