I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
