1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so explain again why im purple
no
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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