u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
