There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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