Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
