just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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