And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
