You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
