Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
