is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
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he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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