you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
