I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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