My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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